ICK

So, I have been feeling miserable the last couple of days. Had an ocular migraine hit me on Sunday and every since then I have been a blob of ka-ka. When you are sick it is tough to laugh. I try though, just to do something other than mope. The last time I was sick I had the dreaded stomach bug. I was paying visit to the porcelain throne but not because I was puking, if you catch my drift. Yes, I'm talking about poop. And not that rainbow unicorn poop. That poop that is like from the movie bridesmaids when they eat at that restaurant.....

LAVA!!!!

SO just when I thought I was in the clear, I did that thing that I told you to do to make you laugh. #1 on the top things to do in front of someone else... fart. THANK you mother of unicorns that poop rainbows, I was alone when I did it. Yep. Wasn't just a fart. For the first time in my life I Poughkeepsied in my pants.

Never drink the water in Mexico

At first, I was mortified, looking around my empty house to ensure that really I was home alone. Eyeing up the dogs with looks of death, mumbling to them if they breathe a word of this to even the cat I will withhold their Milkbone treats for at least a month. Then the reality of what had just happened set in. I pooped my pants. I am 38 years-old and I pooped my pants. Oh the tears of laughter. I texted my husband to tell him (because that is what wives do right? No? Just me?) well, he enjoyed it immensely I am sure. I swear I could hear through the text his belly laughs. I made him swear not to tell, but I am sure within five minutes every one of his coworkers knew. AND here I am, telling all for the world to see. Yes, I pooped my pants at 38 years-old and it DID NOT look like the rainbow unicorn poop. Oh if it only had. I would be a millionaire right now because who wouldn't pay money to see a grown woman shat out rainbow poop right????

So next time you are feeling low, watch these videos or think of me. The non-rainbow pooping "non- unicorn" who pooped her pants at 38.